drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
