You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
