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So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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