You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
