you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
