if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
