Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
no you cant smoke seaweed
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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