Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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