I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
