So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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