i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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