woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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