Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
