tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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