yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize