We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
