Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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