Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
