Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Say something about gay babies.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
