i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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