You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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