I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
