dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
