There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
