mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize