just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
