a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
This house was built for laser tag.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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