dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
