Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
