You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
COCAINE IS GR8
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
