What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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