Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
