at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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