i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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