We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
zippers are such a cool invention
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Drunk is not a location!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
