She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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