Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
