i think my mom watched the whole time
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
