I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
