Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
