I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
