operation harelip BJ is a go
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
