Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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