i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
