1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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