I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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