I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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