I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
