I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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