Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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