Pappa wants mamma naked
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize