I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
