My underwear smells like fireworks.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
