the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
