I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
