did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
