i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
