well I can't set my house on fire every night
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
