I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
