I wish my penis had an off switch
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
